NATALIEBy Corey Mesler |
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Jim found out about death when he was five years old and that was very young and death was a very big thing it frightened Jim no fooling. Jim sometimes cried on his bed because he knew he had to die and his mother and father and his brother Al and everyone even his meanest teacher and Natalie. And sometimes he cried because he was frightened and sometimes because he couldn't do anything everyone else did so easily which he learned quickly on the playground at recess which he hated and which he tried to avoid by saying he'd rather stay inside and read or on the bad days he had a stomachache and couldn't join the bigger boys in kickball or dodgeball which was the worst because they threw it harder at him than anyone else and he always go hit first and he never knew how to get out of the way of that rubbery ball. But death for Jim was the final bad thing worse even than when things got too big and his fingers felt funny and he hated the ugly kids in his class no not hated because it wasn't right to hate he knew he knew what was right at least. But then there was the recess which was good and that was the one when Natalie came over to him by the big tree where Billy Hall had seen the tarantula which was maybe a tarantula and maybe not because Billy had just seen that movie with the giant tarantula in it and maybe this was just a big spider and Natalie smiled and said Hi Jim and Jim said hi and Natalie stood there for a little while near him. Jim felt a little flushed but good and Natalie said did Jim know where she lived and Jim said yes because he did because he made Kenny Draffin show him one day Kenny the only boy in his class he liked and who liked him and Kenny lived kind of near Natalie and Natalie's house was bigger than Jim's and had a backyard which was long and then woods behind it. Natalie asked if Jim would like to come over after school and Jim got a little bit of a stomachache and he said yes though and he would ask his mother if he could walk over which he thought he could because it wasn't that far and he walked to Kenny's one day but maybe that was because Jim's mother wanted him out of the house because she was having one of her nerve days. After school after Jim's mother said be careful and come home in an hour and after Jim had gone to the bathroom because he had to after school because he was afraid of the school bathrooms because they were dirty and someone told him that one little boy had his thingy hurt in there by some big boys and Jim said he would and he walked to Natalie's house. Outside Natalie's big house Jim got nervous and thought maybe he wouldn't or couldn't ring the doorbell and then suddenly there was Natalie on the front porch and she was as bright as sunshine and Jim thought she was so pretty that it couldn't possibly be true about the bad things because there was something as pretty as Natalie in the world. Natalie said hi Jim and Jim walked across the wide driveway where three cars were parked and Jim realized that Natalie must be rich and that was funny but in an okay way and he stepped up onto the porch next to Natalie and she smiled again like at recess and Jim liked it. She said hi Jimmy which Jim hated Miss O'Neal said Natalie had too much spunk and it was like that but it was okay because it was Natalie and not one of the others. They stood on the porch and were both quiet and the only sound was someone cutting the grass a block or so away and Jim was a little nervous and he tried to remember if he had been invited and of course he remembered that he had so he just waited. Natalie said do you want to go in the woods where I have my secret camp and Jim said yes because he loved to play camp which he and Kenny invented at Kenny's house in these same woods a little way away and Natalie took Jim's hand and pulled him running toward the woods and Jim had to skip and catch up and he felt how moist Natalie's palm was and he loved her he thought with all his heart almost as much as his mother or father or Al. He loved her. Natalie's camp was in a shady spot under giant trees which Jim couldn't look up at but that was okay and it was cooler in there even though this was almost summer and in Memphis that meant hot and Jim couldn't stay outside long because his mother said he would get sunsick. Here it is Natalie said and waved her hand around like a magician and Jim felt good in the cool shadows and he thought maybe Natalie was a princess lost long ago and reborn here in the dim enchantment of the overhanging branches and Jim was as happy as he could ever remember being and Natalie came over to him and took his hand again and Jim thought about love and his mother and he felt a little confused and Natalie said do you want to play LookIt. Jim didn't know how to play and Natalie laughed and she wasn't making fun of him he knew and her laugh was like music somehow and it made Jim prickle inside and Natalie said you pull down your pants and I pull down mine and we lookit each other and Jim knew that it was a bad thing and he still wanted to play it with Natalie forever and forever live under this cool grey sunshade and then Natalie pulled down her shorts and panties and Jim saw her there. You now Natalie said and Jim unbuttoned his shorts and they fell to his feet and Natalie said your underwear too and Jim did and Natalie looked at Jim's thing and Jim felt funny but he wanted to keep looking at Natalie's thing too and Natalie said can I touch it and Jim didn't answer and a long minute passed and Natalie reached over Jim knew it was a sin and touched Jim's thing and touched it again and put her hand around his balls there in the twilit afternoon in the woods with silence all around them. You can touch me Natalie said and Jim put his hand there and it didn't feel like much of anything and Natalie turned around slowly and Jim saw her naked bottom and he touched her there so perfectly round and smooth and he said Natalie and she giggled and jumped away and pulled up her panties and shorts. Jim was a heartbeat going crazy and Natalie said Pull your pants up silly and Jim felt as if he had done something wrong and then he pulled up his clothes and Natalie bent quickly toward him and kissed him on the mouth onetwothree times. Let's go have some Koolaid she said running out of the camp and into the sun and open space of her backyard and Jim stood a moment lost to the world and he thought about what just happened and he knew he loved Natalie and that was a good thing and he didn't feel like he had sinned like his mother would think and he thought about Al and how big Al was and maybe he'd never get that big and before he ran after Natalie and into her giant house for Koolaid he knew one thing and that was that now he would never die.
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Corey Mesler has been published in dozens of literary
magazines and journals, including Mars Hill Review,
Jabberwock Review, Wavelength, Skanky
Possum, Kumquat Meringue, and Parnassus Literary Review. His novel-in-dialogue, Talk, has recently been published by the
Livingston Press. He and his wife Cheryl own
Burke’s Bookstore
in Memphis, Tennessee, one of the country's oldest (127 years)
and best independent bookstores.
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